Good morning, Philippines. Good morning, world.
I am happy to wake up again today. I feel better compared to last week during my chemo downtime where I feel so nauseous. I am having difficulty sleeping and I hope this challenge will end soon. The twins are still sleeping right now. But I already told their eldest brother last night that I will go to the hospital today for my 19th session of radiation therapy and I will no longer wait for the twins to wake up. It is Monday - a working day. I need to get back to work (at home) after a week of downtime and backlogs.
I am meeting different kinds of cancer patients in the hospital. A grumpy one, a hopeful one, well... name it. I admire a co-patient who suffers also from a breast cancer. It already metastasized to her bones. Stage 4. Critical and terminal stage. She has no children. She is being accompanied by her mother during treatments. Her face is so beautiful. She is calm. You will never ever thought that she is actually in pain. I include her on my prayers. I believe in miracles. We will survive.
There is also another patient with lymphoma. She is 62 years old and had been in chemo for five years already. She decided to undergo bone marrow transplant in the hope that she will have a break of at least five years from chemo infusion. Unfortunately after a month from transplant, the cancer is back there already. She is crying as she talked to me. I am also praying for her.
Then there is another one who is always angry. I know she feels uncomfortable because of her health condition. I think she is also on her 40s. She can stand but she still asks for a wheelchair. She shouts at her spouse. I cannot describe her. I can see that her spouse is so kind to understand her. I hope she can overcome her own fight.
And there I am. I go to radiation driving myself alone everyday, except during chemo week where I ask my younger brother to accompany me because I cannot drive. Headache and body aches are real. I am blessed to have siblings who are there to give their personal services when I needed them.
I read a book while waiting. There is already a lot of (toxic) medicines that entered my body and I am afraid that my brain will stop working (literally). I have moments of lag. I hang up, saying something then will pause for seconds because I already forgot what I am saying. Sometimes I cannot remember things. Precisely the reason why I decided to write about me. When I read, I am getting information. When I write, I am sharing information. I need to make it two-way so my brain will not stop functioning.
Maybe the fact that I don't know you (reader of this blog) is what has been comforting me. I don't know but I am thinking that we are not emotionally invested with each other. Lesser complication so to say. By writing here, I don't need to bother my family members how I am feeling in this nine months (and counting) of treatment. My dad died of lung cancer ten weeks from diagnosis and it left trauma to the family when talking about cancer. I don't need to worry friends and co-workers about my condition. I am just telling them that I am fighting for my children and I am relatively well compared to others who are in the same ordeal. I just need to voice this out and thank you for bearing with me. Thank you for staying.
Thank you for dropping by. I hope we can spend time together here in my website during your coffee break.
